Examination Fun Fun Fun!

So even though it’s the end of the year and everyone else has finished school and relaxing in the sun and going to disco dance parties in tight leather and polka dots, my school is all “Ha. Hahaha. Ha ha ha HA. No!”

So pretty much the past week has been spent in the joyous happiness of exams. And the worst thing that can happen in an exam is this.

HACK HACK HACK COUGH COUGH SPLUTTER COUGH COUGH
My God, are they OK?!
COUGH COUGH HACK HACK SPLUTTER COUGH COUGH COUGH
They should really go to a doctor! It sounds very bad.
COUGH HACK HACK SPLUTTER COUGH COUGH COUGH
Ok… you can stop coughing now. I’m trying to concentrate.
COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH HACK SPLUTTER COUGH SNORT
Seriously… what the fuck is wrong with you?! Are you dying?! Stop it this instant.
COUGH COUGH SPLUTTER HACK HACK COUGH SNORT COUGH
If you cough one more time I am going to shove a shamwow down your throat.

I am also not particularly fond of people who write too much. These people, they should not exist. These people who write entire pages, who put up their hand asking for their bloody fifth extra writing booklet when you’re up to page two of your first. They should be attached to rocket-ships and blown out into space. No, actually, that’s not fair. I bet they’d still be writing up near Jupiter or some shit and annoying the Jupitarians. No one ever thinks of the Jupitarians!!! We’d probably even get a telegram.

I’m also becoming a bit obsessed with Amarillo cheese fries. We went out to dinner the other day and it went a bit like this:

Sister: Dom, what do you want?

Me: I want Amarillo cheese fries.

Sister: They don’t have those here. Choose something else.

Me: Ask them to put cheese and bacon on their chips.

Sister: No, I’m not asking them to do that!

Me: And ranch dressing! You need ranch dressing!

Sister: Dom, I’m not going to ask them to do that.

Me: *puppy dog eyes*

Sister: NO.

Me: PLEEEEAAASEEE. IT’S THE ONLY THING I EVER WANT.

Sister: NO.

Me: Look, here’s a recipe! Give them my iPhone. They can follow the recipe!

Sister walks away.

Me: Ninny poo.

Color Texting Pro TM Review

So I was browsing through the App Store on my iPhone, when I came across a simply remarkable app. This app answered all my questions. It made life worth living. I don’t know how I could ever live without it.

Color Texting Pro TM.

Not even Color Texting, it’s Color Texting PRO. With a TM.

So what is Color Texting PRO TM?

That’s right! UNLIMITED colours selection!! How did I ever live, sending boring old plain messages to people, when all along I could be sending them messages with a COLORFUL BACKGROUND?

Just look at how beautiful those messages look. Whenever someone needs to tell me “Hello my dear! Where have you been? I was looking for you 3 days!!!” I hope they will always do it with COLOR TEXTING PRO TM. Then of course, I will reply, “Look at my SMS style!!! WOW!!!” because really, who cares that I’ve apparently gone missing for 3 days. MY SMS STYLE IS WOW, THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT!!!

But I’m not the only one who feels this way!

I admit, I had to wipe away tears as I read these reviews. Poor Jungler tord! My heart went out to him and how he is not a very social person. But then I read how with COLOR TEXTING PRO TM, he gained confidence and courage to interact with people. Amazing. COLOR TEXTING PRO TM deserves a nobel peace prize. Lucky Gustucel, too! How good it must feel to be the envy of all your friends, simply because you have COLOR TEXTING PRO TM.

By this time, I was pretty much sold on the app. Of course I want to buy an app that will give me courage and confidence, and WOW SMS STYLES!!! But then I saw this, and I knew that it was my destiny to own this app.

Express your spirit emotion!!! How will I express my spirit emotions if I don’t have COLOR TEXTING PRO TM?! Look at all of these. I know I will use these a lot to express my spirit emotions.

I really don’t know how I lived without COLOR TEXTING PRO TM. Now I am able to communicate with courage and confidence. My friends are envious of my unlimited colour messages! Now I can surprise my friend or beloved person with beautiful message. And most of all, now I can express my spirit emotion.

COLOR TEXTING PRO TM, you are my soulmate.

(Apologies for the lack of recent blogs. I hope you’re all spiffing.)

Maths Competition 2011

Yesterday, my maths teacher was all “Circle geometry bla bla bla bla bla bla oh and tomorrow you’re doing the maths competition period one and two.” and I was all “eh?”

So this morning, I very very excitedly lined up with my extension class to do this fun fun fun maths competition. Oh, the joy. There’s nothing I like more than maths competitions. So, I sit down at one of the many tables, amongst all these random annoying year nine students doing their year nine maths competition and talking about fairies and happiness and how very much they enjoy being annoying little year nine pricks. I think you can tell I like year nine at my school.

Anyway, after doing the whole “fill out your name by colouring in the bubbles and please make sure it’s correct because we don’t want weird wrong names on the certificates,” the time starts. When I start the competition, things are lookin’ pretty good. This is the easiest test I’ve ever done, man!

Soon, however, the test changes. It did it on purpose, I know. It was all “Lol, Dom. How cute. Thinks I’m easy. I’ll show him.”

It's around here where I give up and start daydreaming. Wasn't it a beautiful summery day today?

Then you start getting those weird-ass questions they write, that are just so random and stupid, like they’re all “quick! we need a real-life scenario to model algebra!” “Oh, I have the PERFECT question!”

But it gets better. Right as I was wondering, “Seriously. Who the hell writes these questions?!” I come across this absolute gem.

That’s right. Irrational Spider. Irrational Spider. Will this be a new meme?

I can’t even imagine what was going through the head of whoever wrote this. I’m pretty sure they’re either not sane or on drugs. But they’re mathematicians, lol, so who knows. Were they simply sitting at home, thinking about how fucking awesome maths is, when they saw a spider in the corner, and went, “Hmm.. spider? LOL Imagine if there was an irrational spider that was completely irrational! HAHAHAHAHAHA.” *smokes joint*

Anyway, with around 10 minutes left, I see I’ve only done around 12 of the 30 questions. I’m too busy thinking about the Irrational Spider and glancing over at this one year nine student who seems to be eating the test paper or something. When it hits two minutes left, I enter what I call “Intelligent Sequenced Pattern Answering Mode,” otherwise known as “hmm, I haven’t used C in a while.” Very shortly, time’s up, and I triumphantly put my pencil down, knowing that whatever happens, I’ll still get a Participation award.

I don’t know when they’re going to force us to do another maths competition, but I certainly hope it’s full of all the same fun and entertainment of this one. Will the Irrational Spider make a comeback? What happens in the year 2012 to Paul and his retarded questions? We may never know.

(they shouldn’t have let us keep the question booklet, lol.)

Nonna and the Internet

So, my nonna has a computer, which she frequently uses to e-mail her relatives in Italy. She also enjoys browsing the internet to read the Italian newspaper, and she’s also recently learnt how to use google. She gave her computer a virus by going to a website looking at photos of “Italian Wood Tables and Chairs”.

Anyway, because she now knows how to use Google, she’s taken to googling me and my sister up. Now, I should tell you something. My sister never signs out of facebook on any computer. So, when my nonna, using her google skillz, comes across my sister’s facebook, everything loads. All the stuff that is usually private comes up, including photos from my sister’s 21st, Facebook Places check-ins, my profile, everything.

Being easily confused with technology (she once called me up, extremely worried, because her computer screen was “all different colour! so many colour! I no know what happen! I think it break!!!” Turns out it was her screensaver…), my nonna now thinks that everyone in the world can see all this stuff that she just saw.

Now, this is what people see when they go on my Facebook profile:

This is what my nonna thinks people see when they go on my Facebook profile:

So, yesterday, whilst we were on our way back from a funeral, my nonna, randomly in the car, starts yelling at me and my sister.

“I so disappoint! Very disappoint! Every body can’a see the photo and video!!! I go on computer, and I see everything! So bad!! How you can do!! Please Dom, please-a get rid of! Why you no change name on the internet? Put name like “Domenico Albero”, Trees! Everyone can’a see you! Very bad! I call tha’ police! I do! If I see again, because very bad, not safe!”

So now everything of mine is super-private. Except this blog. Which she will undoubtedly find, and then actually think I put a photo on the internet of me in underpants with my address next to it.

Chicken Soup

Ohkay. You want makeduh chicken soup. Duh chicken soup, normally you put duh one part duh chicken and duh four part duh wahter. But dis time you have LOT OF PEEPOL. VEERY HUNGRY PEEPOL. So you must makeduh four time duh chicken soup! How much duh wahter and duh chicken you need? FOUR CHICKEN! SIXTEEN WAHTER! VERY SIMPOL! If you no understand I go home, because veery simpol, you go back to year 10, because very simpol, duh chicken soup. Why you no understand duh chicken soup?! Very simpol!!!!!

— My old asian tutor who thought we couldn’t understand ratios.

Normal blog coming soon! Also, I wrote half my haircut blog, but I can’t really publish it now because it’s like six months since I actually had my haircut, so I’ll wait until next haircut. Lol.